Sassy 6's? Really?

Over the last couple of months I have noticed a change in my lil man. He has always been busy, feisty, creative, sweet as sugar with just enough ornery in him to keep me on my toes. But lately the debates are constant, the begging, whining, fussing, and bad attitude are almost more than I can take. I kept wondering what the problem was. I had talks with him about what might be the issue, spent more time with him alone, made more clear my expectations and consequences of unacceptable behavior and consulted my mom about what she thought might be the deal.

We came up with a few things. Maybe he is starting to show more jealousy with Maggie Beth. She is walking, talking and doing the adorable things that 18 month old babies do. She captures everyone's attention and maybe he is starting to resent it. Maybe?

Maybe he is bored with summer. This is the first summer I have been working even; though its only 3 days a week. He is probably missing the routine and social aspect of school and so he is 'acting out' of boredom. Maybe.

Maybe it is the "first half of the year is harder than the second half" theory. Meaning, the first 6 months following a birthday shows more challenges and behavioral adjustments than does the second half of the birthday year. I must admit I find this to hold some truth. Maybe that's it. ??

Well, just out of shear desperation for some insight into a 6 year old's head, I googled 6 year old development. The results were astonishing to me. I read that the 6's are as infamous as the terrible 2's!!?? But often times worse. WHAT?? I must say I was feeling a lot relieved at this time, but a little peeved that no one bothered to inform me of this most pertinent information! I read on. Come to find out, sassing, random crying fits, teenage attitudes that show up out of NOWHERE are all completely normal for a 6 year old. NORMAL, I said, not acceptable. So that left me with the question: What do I do about it? One person's advice (a mother to 4 children) was to "brace yourself and ride out the storm" Oh geez. Not exactly what I was hoping for, but okay.

After reading further, there were some great tips about how to handle 'the sassy 6's.' Some will stretch me as a parent. A few suggestions were:

* to address the behavior completely separate from the child, saying such things are "slamming the door is not acceptable." instead of saying "you know better than to slam the door."

* Discipline mainly to obtain the desired behavior and leaving the moral lesson out of it (for now). No preaching. Apparently six year olds can be pretty stubborn. If parents feel they are disciplining their 6 year old often, then when every actions is backed with a moral lecture, it's just to much for them to take in. Address the behavior, speak clearly the offense, the consequence and then follow through.

* Check your emotions at the door. Try very hard not to communicate anything through your tone or facial expressions ONLY WHEN DISCIPLINING. No raising voices, using sarcasm or showing anger of frustration of any kind (which doesn't work for any age really, but apparently the 6's are a precursor to the teen years, which I am sure is hard to restrain on the above listed behaviors, so I suppose I could use all the practice I can get). Kids this age like to see their parents get as upset as they are about something. Even if its not about the same thing; ie, Timmy mouthed off and now his evening play date is cancelled. He is now throwing a fit. Mom is getting frustrated with Timmy's reaction to his consequence, so she begins engaging Timmy with his fit. She is yelling over him, threatening further consequences and so on....Timmy, even though upset, has won his mother's attention and now she is feeling the same anger he feels even though over completely different things.

* Praise their good behavior. This seems obvious, but it is easy to overlook. There needs to be a distinct difference in the reaction to good behavior and poor behavior. When a child is doing what they are supposed to, a parent needs to be as willing to acknowledge and praise that actions as much as they would discipline a bad behavior. Smiling, laughing, listening, engaging conversation, asking questions, participating in play, high fives, tickles, hugs and kisses are easy ways to acknowledge desired behavior without saying anything. When this happens children will DESIRE to please their parents and know it is possible to capture their attention without acting inappropriately. If necessary, put a reward system in place.

These are just a few ideas. Some seem obvious, especially if you don't have a 6 year old, but this 'phase' Price is going though has really thrown us all for a loop. I remind myself often that his behavior is separate from who he is. He is so sweet. He is a wonderful and loving big brother. He makes friends easily and has many leader qualities. Price is so creative and likes generally likes to please.

I am hoping the structure of school will help. There are changes on the horizon (more on that later) and I would like to get through this point in development with Price so we can approach future transitions a little more smoothly.